Neighbors angered over sound of newspaper delivery.

An issue waiting to come to a boil, has finally this week.  With the summer days, and neighbors participating in approved-outdoor activities (such as unloading of groceries, required waving-from-porch-to-outsiders time, and checking of mail, as some examples) residents have noticed that the delivery of the Rocky Flats City Paper, creates an unpleasant and prolonged nuisance sound.

Michelle G. of Coors Loop in CancerCluster, first identified the problem earlier in the Spring; "I would be sitting there and hear a slapping sound outside, it would recur, but louder, and again, louder, and finally start recurring but quieter each time.  I was baffled as to what it could be." 

Today, Jeff of Shh! Creek found himself sitting outside going thru his mail, when the sound issue occurred, and upon looking up, he saw it was being caused by the delivery of the newspaper.  "They just threw it out the passenger side window of their Suburu, causing it to land on my driveway!" Jeff proclaimed.  "It was incredibly rude and lacked civility."

Now residents are demanding a change to the delivery system, with some requesting that the paper be delivered to the softer surface of their landscaping, while some would like to see the paper walked up to the front porch and set down in a quiet manner.

We discussed the issue with Sean, a Delivery Driver for the paper.  He noted that at minimum wage, there was "zero chance in hell I'm walking the paper to the porch."  He did however identify a possible cure he has recently discussed with the Management at the Paper, "I've always wanted a cannon system, like a t-shirt cannon at sporting events.  That way I could aim the paper right at the resident and shoot it, so that the resident could have a moment to hand-eye-coordinate receiving the paper, quietly."  When asked if their would be any downsides, he noted "occasionally, people may not be able to catch a newspaper launching at them under 2500p.s.i. of pressure or 38 miles per hour, but if it hit them, it would bounce quietly to the ground."  He also said "I could also use this to deliver to their bushes.  I would gladly use this to deliver to their bushes, or their hands of course."

It appears we have a textbook example of "Problem" and "Solution" here, folks.  Let's see how this turns out.