Powers That Be settle huge lawsuit for "contaminating" downwind neighbors of our Community
As if things weren't already shaky around here, the Powers That Be are admitting to accidentally sending plumes of radiation to Rocky Flats City residents. Apparently, after 26 years, the locals have gotten their way, and Uncle Sam is now paying them off for "environmental trespass" of their land with radioactive contamination, to the sweet tune of $ 375 million.
Now, those liberal tree huggers and science nerds are all up in arms over how exciting this is, but none of the media thought to ask our community how it makes us feel.
So here it is, we are sitting here building our homesteads proudly on a foundation of VOC's and Plutonium/Uranium and we aren't afraid of a little nuisance dust. We are the first of our kind, building proudly atop the nuclear waste of a bygone era, and we're gonna show that it works, and that it can be beautiful.
Asked for opinion, Tiffany of 87th Drive said "What do you mean there is contamination here?" We quickly sent her to the local Flathead Mall with a prepaid Debit card so that her only thought process would be "What outfit matches these kickass shoes?"
Shirley Seller was quick to voice, "What? Why are you people still there, this should be a listing orgy. I should have two coming at me from every side, on every street..." Oh our Shirley. She's such a trooper.
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From crappy lemonade stand reviews, to who's who in the latest failed marriage drama, we will have it here!