Even though we've all but told you to stay indoors, it seems like you sheeple strong-willed determined residents, just insist on being outside...in near one hundred degree weather, amidst radioactive piles of construction dirt and dust. It makes sense to embrace your idiotic sense of community with an upcoming 5k race for our neighborhood! So, next weekend, Saturday the 16th, starting at 9am, we will all meet up at the entrance to the Laden Pu community (Plutonium Parkway entrance) and set off on a spirited walk (or run...in fact since we do have to cross the Pu Parkway on a weekend, and drivers here don't much like slowing below 55mph, it is best to run across that road or risk being the next roadkill.) From Laden Pu we will journey around the Laden Ur neighborhood then cross over the Parkway and head for the CancerCluster at Five Parks development. In Five Parks, we will allow a brief intermission at the local restaurant, and you may treat yourself to a non-alcoholic beverage, or an adult beverage, because quite frankly, we've noticed alcohol consumption is shooting up around here. Is it the declining values? The stress of almost realizing your new reality? Either way, bottoms up, and out we go. You're going to be getting HOT on this last leg; we'll venture around Shh!! Creek before meandering our way through the Cansellus neighborhood. We haven't the patience to actually measure out the journey, but with or without intervening weather conditions, we're guaranteeing you 5,000 alpha-emitting radiation particles in your body by days end. Most of those particles will pass thru your digestive tract, but a few will stick, and on that basis, we're calling this the Run To Cancer 5k. We can't wait to see the spirit and pride you'll bring to this event.
Afterwards, we encourage a few of you to make the jog up the Nuclear Mile into good 'ole Rocky Flats Lounge, where you can get piss-drunk and fight a Jackelope on your return trip home.
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