"Outsiders" We should generally refer to residents of outside communities as the "outsiders". Since the majority of these people do not share our views of life here, we should also try and not discuss where we live. What happens in our community, stays in our community. When outsiders do unfortunately visit our neighborhoods, please ensure you smile and wave in an autonomous fashion to deliver an impression of "confident happiness".
Contamination or general Radiation discussion We consider it a "sad face" topic in our neighborhoods because it can really bring the mood down of those you are having conversation with. Besides, you and your neighbors have already considered it a smart idea to move here, there's no reason for you to go getting an opinion now (looking at you, Stacey on 95th). It's a rule that we do not allow our residents to own alpha-detecting Geiger counters, nor are you to possess such a device in your yard, nor in our community spaces. Again, sad-face topic.
Cancer It is unfortunate predictable that we will soon be encountering our young children developing a nasty case of the Cancers. In the coming years, many of your neighbors, and members of your house will too. While we encourage our residents to avoid conversations about this topic (Sad Face) we empathize that it will be necessary at times to address it within your house, or to your close neighbors, and we believe we should refer to these afflicted persons as "chosen ones". You can remind these people that "just because radiation caused it, doesn't mean radiation can't cure it" as a morale boost. Additionally, our individual HOAs are assembling the funds needed to finish production of a lovely animated kids film, we're calling "Finding Chemo" that we can play on Movie Night in the Park. Frankly, it isn't just for kids...it's fun for the whole family.
Plant life as sustainable food sources Known as gardens, we must discourage residents from planting or raising any plants on their property which produce edible substance, such as berries, vegetables, fruits. We know many are excited to grow a '16-pund tomater', but we don't need those science types getting all "harpy" about mutations...and actually after visiting the local Rocky Flats Nursery, we don't want you to plant any flowering varieties of flora, etiher. In general, we'd prefer you not to dig around your yard and prefer low-water-consumption landscapes that don't go rooting in the soil, too deeply.
Outdoor Activities On windy days, we request all residents stay inside, simply for your comfort. (You never know when a Rocky Flats hundred mile an hour wind will come up and knock you or your loved ones down.) We have built your homes to the highest standards for climate control and creature comforts, make use of that. Also, change your Heating/Air-Conditioning filters, regularly, and use a HEPA filter when possible. Again, for your comfort.
Cycling It's come to our attention that many of you enjoy cycling around our community. While we neither encourage nor discourage this, we would like to ask y'all if you've noticed the speeds people are driving around at? (Looking at you, Lindsay with the Lexus SUV on Nile...or should we say, Denial Drive). Especially on the Plutonium Parkway during off-peak times. Be careful with that.
Nighttime Actvities We do advise our residents that children should be indoors before dusk, due to our wildlife. Adults should go indoors before night falls. If you are approached late, by a predatory animal, we recommend throwing objects that will make loud sounds, and screaming before running into your home.
Mice Infestations Yes, we do seem to all have an issue with this one. By law, we must remind residents that it is against Federal Law to harass, harm, kill, or otherwise injure the Prebles Meadow Jumping Mouse. We therefore, encourage at least one cat to every household.